Fat Pumpkin Bread

My dear, lovely, readers, it is officially Fall, my favorite season. With the coming of the most beautiful time of the year, I am also celebrating one year of Definitely Not A Food Blog! So thank you so much to all of my friends, family and everyone who has supported and encouraged this project. It really means the world to me.

Since this is the time of year when pumpkin-based baked goods are everywhere, I thought I would add my own creation into the mix. Of course, with all of the delicious goodies everywhere, we inevitably start seeing lots of “skinny” alternatives. I have gone on this rant before when I published Fat Banana Bread, but my feelings have changed very little. I do not fault anyone for wanting to clean up their diet and eat healthier, but this conflation of pastry preferences and morality is total nonsense. So I present to you here, my lovely readers, a healthy, vegan, delicious pumpkin bread that is unapologetically Fat.

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Ingredients:

1 cup pumpkin purée

2 Tbs chia seeds + 6 Tbs water

1/2 cup coconut oil (melted)

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/2 cup maple syrup

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp baking soda

2 tsp ground cinnamon

1 tsp nutmeg

1/2 tsp all spice

1/2 tsp ground cloves

Pre-heat oven to 375 degrees. Mix chia seeds and water in a small bowl. Set aside for about 15 minutes minutes. Mix coconut oil, maple syrup, vanilla extract and chia seeds until well combined. Add dry ingredients. Pour into a well greased or parchment paper-lined loaf pan. Bake for 40 minutes. Eat with your face and enjoy!

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Vegan Chocolate Beet Muffins

Once upon a time, I went to Marché Jean-Talon and got a little too excited. I got a bag of beets (which contained far too many beets) for only $1.50 and was then faced with the problem of too many beets. After briefly considering a recreation of this video, I decided to just make some chocolate muffins.

I stumbled upon this recipe from Minimalist Baker and decided to go with as this blog has never steered me wrong. Seriously guys, if you ever need a really good healthy recipe, Minimalist Baker takes the cake (pun very much intended).  Without further ado, here is my recreation of this recipe which resulted in some seriously tasty muffins.

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Ingredients:

2 Tbs chia seeds + 8 Tbs water (explanation below)

2 beets, roasted

1/4 cup maple syrup

1/3 cup brown sugar

1 1/2 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

1/4 cup melted coconut oil

1/4 cup unsweetened almond milk

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

1 1/3 cup all purpose flour

1/3 cup vegan chocolate chips

First, wrap beets tightly in aluminum foil and roast in the oven at 375F for one hour. Allow them to cool thoroughly.

Place chia seeds and water in a small bowl and leave it for about 10-15 minutes. It will form a gel-like paste that will serve as an egg substitute as these muffins are vegan (pro-tip: this works great for lots of other baked good too).

Purée beets in a food processor or blender (I used a magic bullet). Combine the purée in a large bowl with the chia seed goo, maple syrup, brown sugar, baking soda and salt. Add almond milk followed by flour and cocoa powder. Finally, fold in chocolate chips. Spoon mixture into muffin tin lined with paper liners. Bake at 375F for 7-20 minutes. Enjoy!

Fat Banana Bread

This banana bread recipe will not make you fat. In fact, had another blogger created this recipe, there’s a good chance that he or she might have called it “skinny” or “guilt-free” banana bread. But I’m not going to do that because when I see those words in a recipe title, it usually means that the writer took a perfectly good recipe and ruined it by removing everything delicious and replacing it with crap-flavored sadness. Also, the idea that I should feel “guilty” about eating desserts just makes me want to mainline donuts out of spite. So just to be the contrarian that I am, I have called this recipe “Fat Banana Bread” to protest the ideas that:

1. Fat = Unhealthy

2. Healthy = Pretentious and Gross-tasting

This recipe does not contain eggs, dairy, wheat or processed sugar. But it is easy and stupidly delicious.

Ingredients:

1 cup rolled oats

1 cup coconut flour (or sub whole-wheat flour if avoiding wheat/gluten isn’t important to you)

3 ripe bananas

1/4 cup chia seeds

1/4 cup slivered almonds

1/4 cup vegan chocolate chips (Or just cut this chocolate bar into tiny pieces)

1/4 cup chopped dates

1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk

1 tsp baking powder

1tsp vanilla extract

1/2 tsp salt

Mash bananas with a fork in a large bowl. Add all other ingredients. Mix thoroughly. Pour into a loaf pan lined with parchment paper. Bake at 350F for 1 hour.

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Eat it and feel no guilt.

Vegan Chocolate Bars

Every now and then, I stumble across a recipe and my only thought is “HOLY CRAP I NEED THAT RIGHT NOW”. This is exactly what happened here.

There I was mindlessly scrolling around the internet when I came across this. It’s a recipe for homemade vegan chocolate bars. They looked so easy and I already had all of the ingredients on hand. The choice was obvious. I had to stop what I was doing and make these.

Of course, as I am often wont to do, I tweaked the recipe just a little bit as my experience with chocolate tells me that coffee and vanilla make the chocolate flavor that much richer and more delicious.

These were very, very easy to make and when I popped them out of the freezer to sample my handiwork, it was revelatory. I haven’t decided yet if being able to make my own chocolate bars is the best or the most dangerous thing to ever happen.

Without further ado, here is the recipe.

Ingredients:

1/2 cup coconut oil, melted

6 Tbs cocoa powder

4 Tbs maple syrup

1 tsp espresso powder

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/2 tsp sea salt

Melt coconut oil in a saucepan over low heat. Mix in all other ingredients.

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Pour into a candy mold (I used parchment paper and a loaf pan because I am a savage and do not own a candy mold). Freeze for 15 minutes.

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Eat with your face.